Michael McDaeth
The Blank Album
(Sophisticated Monkey Records, 2006)

Part Daniel Johnston, part Stravinsky, part Kurt Cobain, part Foggy Mountain Boys, Michael McDaeth breaks through all the frames of form and comes out the other side with something so odd, so brave, so beautiful and so irritating you won't know what to make of it. When it hits you, it may leave a mark i.e. I hope you don't bruise easily, i.e. I hope you don't cry easily, i.e. I hope you dig it. It's only one guy and only one guitar and one ill-used and slightly grumpy harmonica. How does it sound like a firestorm on Mars? Beats me. Beats me good. Go to mcdaeth.com and listen to "We're Anonymous" from Shine In Reverse. It'll ease you into it.

This is slam dancing for the soul. Hope you're insured.

100% Whole Grain Fig Newtons
(Nabisco)

A cookie is just a cookie but a whole grain Fig Newton is fruit and sawdust.

The Fleshtones
Beachhead
(Yep Roc, 2005)

I put this on the deck last fall when it first came out. I was out on the back porch, just chillin' and drinking a little anisette and Tab (I made up this drink, I call it a Tabisette- you may steal it, if you like) and I thought a little Fleshtones would be the thing, you know? So Beachhead starts playing and I'm lovin' it like I knew I would. And then this line or wire starts sorta growing out of the side of my house.

The disc keeps playing and I watch in fascination as the line attaches itself to the neighbor's house. The next thing I know there are little buds growing on the line, colorful little buds that keep getting bigger and bigger until they turn into huge, lit, Japanese lanterns. A spotlight shines down from I don't know where, right down into the center of my backyard. The Fleshtones CD keeps on playing and I notice that the trees around my house are beginning to keep time to the beat with their branches. This really happened. No shit.

Then, out of the bushes and the trees come birds, raccoons, squirrels, possums, cats, dogs and gophers. They head to the spotlight and, no kidding, start groovin' to the beats. They're dancing and howling and moving and grooving. It's like some sort of twisted fuckin' Disney movie. Even the houses on the block and the cars are syncopating. It's wild.

Then, the neighbors come out of their back door carrying a pizza and some beer and a bowl full of nuts and seeds and apples for the animals. Now everybody's dancing and singing and offering me pizza and drinks and all the little animals have martini glasses in their paws and some of them are smoking cigarettes (little known fact: Squirrels prefer clove cigarettes) and the next thing I know there's this huge multi-species party in my backyard. It was awesome. Weird. But awesome.

Then, the CD stopped and they all went home. All that was left were a few party napkins and a pizza crust or two.

If you don't believe this could have happened, you've never heard The Fleshtones. (For the few who don't know The Fleshtones, go to Yeproc.com and play "Bigger and Better" on their media player.)

I've been keeping this to myself for the last couple of months. But, I feel selfish in not telling you. So. Ask yourself to the party.

SweetTarts Rope
(Wonka/Nestle)

Not enough rope to hang yourself, but certainly enough to enjoy. SweetTart paste lovingly embedded with Nerds, then filled into thick red licorice- does it sound awful? Yes. Does it taste amazingly delicious, filling your mouth with a variety of sweet and sour flavors and crunchy chewy textures? Oh yeah. Yum.

Arctic Monkeys
Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I am Not
(Domino 2006)
arcticmonkeys.com

I'm sure you've already got this CD. So let's just
talk about it, a little. Aren't these Sheffield boys
amazing? Don't you love that unimpeded Brit
accent that punctuates their lyrics? They're hotter than a George Foreman grill full of jalapenos and Scotch Bonnets, ain't they? Have you gone to their website and seen their vids? (at dominorecordco.com.) I guess they're going to be on Saturday Night Live in a couple of weeks. No matter how many times I hear it, I still love "I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor."

Now for some monkeyshines (er…monkey puns. A lot of them. This was the beginning of my original review a couple of weeks ago…but then I figured, everybody knows this band so why be cute? You can skip the cute part and go get the CD or you can play the CD, read it and curse me for the cuteness…your choice.)

"Are you curious George? Want to have more fun than a barrel full?
Then you'll go ape over the Artic Monkeys.

Arctic as in cold? No, cool. Real cool. And you will want to shake your monkey, chunky, funky or otherwise. Yeah, maybe until it cries, if you're into monkey S&M with your hot monkey love. "

(Okay, you see where this is going. I stopped. So sue me.)

I haven't heard anything better than this CD in a long time.

I don't think people have to go to
design school anymore. I think they
are told to watch "Forbidden Planet"
and "2001: A Space Odyssey" and they
are then sent some sort of diploma.
All you have to do is watch a few
of those home designer shows on cable
to see that I'm right. The people who
designed the Fresca label were most
probably fans of "2001."

Unfortunately, it's 2006.